Conflicts are inevitable in our daily lives. Through conflicts, we may harm others, or we may learn how others are truly feeling when they express their emotions. Not everyone is good at expressing themselves. They want to maintain peace and harmony with others. So they tend to hide themselves and pretend nothing happened. Because they try to focus on the big picture, they choose to ignore small flaws. Instead of splitting hairs, they spend time on efficient things.
What will you do if you hear a piece of negative news from your friend? How will you react? What emotion will you express? Nowadays, people are more indifferent towards sad stories. They tend to skip the topic when people hear negative news. Instead, they love positive and successful stories.
Graham Bodie, a professor of integrated marketing communication, told us that people crave to be understood while sharing their stories. We seek true friends, not business partners. We feel lonely because we cannot share our sorrow with others or we are misunderstood.
Emotions are an innate way of expressing yourself. Good emotions bring you the bright side. Bad emotions force us to think deeper. There is a saying that if your mentality is stable, you can complete your work easily. So what is the difference between successful people and ordinary people? The answer lies in their mental states.
How much time do you spend listening to others? When we talk, what exactly are we listening to? Are we listening to their feelings or their stories? The author of "You're Not Listening" interviewed many experts, collected their research, and turned it into a book. It's a nice book and I even get many ideas from it. Here are several pieces of stories from the book.
A few months ago, I joined a study group and we had a weekly meeting for book discussion. The book we read was called “Stolen Focus.” After reading it, I think the book is trying to tell us how we should focus on the present. Nowadays, we are easily distributed by external stimuli. It will prevent us from achieving our task. The noise can break our concentration. Even if it is supposedly helpful noise, like our friends and family telling us what to do, it's not useful.
Why do we always blame others? Why do we always compare ourselves to others? Maybe we are so greedy that it causes us to be stressed out. Getting more isn't always a good thing. How can we do the right things with our limited time and resources? It's the key point we need to think about. For example, reading news from the Internet is definitely beneficial for people. However, too much information might lead you to procrastinate.
你覺得自己值得擁有快樂嗎？
講到「不勞而穫」這個成語，你是否聯想到了負面的意思？「多勞多得」又是否你心中的真理？
在過去的週三，我跟一個朋友在咖啡廳聊天，聊到一件事。
很多人拼命地努力、瘋狂地努力，為了完成某些事情，相信完成後就會得到快樂。但，最後換來的卻只是繼續努力，而沒有一刻停下來過感受「快樂」。在他們心目中，「多勞多得」是種鐵律（以及美德），久了卻只習慣了多勞，而根本沒空停下來享受「多得」的。也因此，有某部份的這類人會開始討厭起另一類人，指責他們「不勞而穫」，批判他們「不切實際」，吹捧自己才「腳踏實地」。
而被他們指責「不勞而穫」的人，在過著自己心目中的「理想生活」，知道自己想要甚麼，邊做著自己喜歡的事邊生存著。他們每天都很快樂，看起來很不費力。（看起來很不公平！）
「多勞多得」的信徒想不通，為甚麼這群人的快樂好像很簡單？既然看起沒在努力，就不配這麼快樂這麼爽呀！「多勞多得」的信徒想著：「哼！我才不要成為他們這種不勞而穫的人！」然後繼續埋頭苦幹，腳踏實地。
當你無法成為某些人，最容易消除矛盾感的方法就是討厭他們。
實不相瞞，我也常被「多勞多得」所框架。看不慣別人好還不是最大問題。最麻煩的，是連快樂也很難心安理得。
你典型的一天生活是怎樣的呢？
從早上起床開始，到出門，到工作，到下班回家，到睡覺…
你一整天的日子，是怎樣的呢？
照這個日子，這樣過下去，你想像一年後的你會是怎麼樣？
你會長甚麼樣子，身邊有誰，你會說著甚麼話，你學會了甚麼，過著怎麼樣的生活？
每個人都是一天過著24小時。
有的人，一年過了，彷彿只是在重覆著一年前的日子，只差年紀長了一歲。
有的人，一年過了，他卻彷彿在氣質上、能力上、眼光上有所不同。
差別在哪？
大概差在那個人知不知道要往哪去，還有他是否將前進的小小步伐融入到他每天生活的細節裡。
每天進步1%，在複利效應下，經過365天後能成長成37.8倍。
說到進步，你有沒有透不過氣的感覺？
很多人（包括我）總覺得改變的代價好大好辛苦喔，所以最終乾脆攤在原地、一動也不動。
但，又沒有人叫你一動就要爬珠峰…
每天只走斜坡一千步行不行？走著走著，覺得輕鬆了，再增加難度又行不行？
不如，從今天開始，下班回家就早兩個站下車，用走的代替那一小段車程。
你認為快樂的本質是甚麼呢？
有些人認為快樂是一種對外在環境反應的狀態。隨著好事降臨，人會快樂。隨著「壞事」發生，人會不快樂。
這樣的人，在失意時不禁怨天尤人，感覺失去了所有掌控權，自己只得祈求好運快點降臨、壞運快點過去。「這樣我才快樂得起來。」
這樣的人，在順遂時雖然感覺快樂，心底卻隱隱地憂慮著「可是，我不知道這份快樂何時會被奪去」。外在因素從來都不握在我們手上，把快樂建基於外在，我們就是把快樂交給他人操控。
這種能力不是說只有在踫到不如意時，一次又一次逼自己站起來。快樂的能力是要持續培養的體質。健康不是一個免死金牌，病痛不會因為看到你身上刻了「健康」兩個字就選擇不攻擊你。但有健康的體質，當病痛找上你時，你就能比較快抵禦，讓它不要變更嚴重，還可能可以更快痊癒。
練出快樂的體質，當一個快樂的人，還是一樣會踫到人生的不如意。你一樣會遇到停水停電、朋友翻臉、失業、分手、股票大跌這些人生起伏，但你會更知道怎樣在挫折中照顧自己，把快樂來源建造在內心，而不是寄放在不可控的外在因素。你的快樂自然會安定，而不是循著人生的軌跡像坐雲霄飛車一樣被拉著上上下下。
那到底要怎樣培養出快樂的體質呢？