Book Review - You Are Not Listening - Kate Murphy (Part V)
Do you feel lonely all the time? Do you often blame yourself when bad things happen? Do you often feel like you are drifing with the crowd? People's inner voices have a tremendous influence, in part because they're actually perceived as louder. People are easily influenced by Spanky - the mean inner voice.
Although we are team animals, we still have our paths to go. External voice helps you stay connected to others. But that doesn't mean we have to follow them. We get to choose what we need and what we don't. Therefore, listening to others determines the tone and qulality of our inner dialogues.
Good listeners are good questioners. Inquiry reinforces listening and vice versa. Asking genuinely curious and openhearted questions makes for more meaningful and revelatory conversations that help people. Here are several advice when people feel upset or aggrieved:
- Suggest you know how someone feels.
- Identify the cause of the problem.
- Tell someone what to do about the problem.
- Bring perspective to a situation with forced positivity and platitudes.
- Admire the person's strength.
Not only does listening help us sort fact from fiction but it also deepens our understanding of the complex situations and personalities we encounter in life.
